I'm pitching ideas on a project for a thing with supernatural elements. Mind you, supernatural entities come out and do bad things. I pitched an idea grounded in the religious belief systems that actual people have and was told it was "too unrealistic".

6-6-11 at 1:25

Dear Boss,

I apologize. This past week and a half, I was too busy firing the gal who handles all of our ordering, getting her replacement up to speed, training the new girl who will be supporting you, while still doing my day-to-day duties, in addition to filling in for the girl on maternity leave, organizing her big meetings with the muckity mucks to pay our paychecks, ordering your new furniture purchases and delivery, and managing all the logistical support for the 42 new employees coming in this month.

I apologize I have not scheduled the massage therapist to come out and squeeze your shoulders.

5/17/11 4:04PM

I won a major award for a creative thing I've done.

I can't go to the awards ceremony next week because it conflicts with major meetings at my work and a trophy does not a rent payment make.

I got a call in for a project a teacher of mine (who is a master in his field... a very exclusive hard to get into field) is working on. It doesn't pay. But it would have been a springboard to some crazy ass stuff that even you, dear stranger, know as a household name.

And why did I have to turn down the interview? Because it was a five hour interview process... next week. The same day as the big meetings I am responsible for.

And free work does not an AmEx payment make.

I got an email out of the blue from this hiring lady to participate in this big thing at this place with a friend who is working at some of the biggest places in her field.

And I had to turn it down because it is next week.

I just got called to the second round of interviews for ANOTHER project I've spent years cultivating. The project would run a day or so. When is the project?

Next week.

And it doesn't pay enough to cover rent and bills, but it would have moved me more towards my dream.

And I had to go to that interview because some folks who have stood behind me for years and years got it for me. I had to do them proud or risk losing out on ten years worth of work. I can't back down from the 2nd interview, because these people worked really hard to line this up.

In my head, I'm going "FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!! I CAN'T get this. DON'T GIVE IT TO ME UNIVERSE. THIS IS NOT THE TIME! I have two major conference meetings I'm organizing AND a big conference out of town and THIS IS NOT THE TIME."

I went into the 1st interview yesterday with the thought screaming in my brain, "DON'T HIRE ME."

The Secret is a fucking lie. Nothing causing things to happen quite like the phrase, "DON'T LET THIS HAPPEN."

God is an asshole.

4/25/11 at 9:00AM

The boss had to survive two days while I was gone.

Despite the fact she had signed my vacation request, I put it on her calendar which is printed up every morning and appears on her phone and laptop and desktop computer, and the fact we talked about it at length, she came in this morning hopping mad, saying that she didn't remember that I wasn't going to be there and it was just a disaster. It Did. Not. Work. It was unacceptable that I had not done more to reminder her I wasn't going to be there for those two days.

I feel like I saw a Lifetime movie about these sorts of control issues.

3/25/11 at 5:00PM

Today, an employee quit after just a few weeks on the job. She had to fill in for me for one single day, and evidently that was enough. Her words to me, "Your boss is fucking NUTS. This is her management style. 'Guess what number I'm thinking of? WRONG!'"

I could only nod with pride that this smart cookie had figured out in four weeks that which has taken me years to admit.

3/18/11 at 12:00PM

Co-worker just blew up because her department is F.L.I.P.P.I.N.G. out over her having the AUDACITY to take a lunch.

Sorry, kid. I feel you.

3/18/11 at 11:58AM

JEEBUSCHRIMINEY. Why has the entire department decided this week that "Jane Doe Now Magically Handles Everyone's Schedules"? I have no idea if you have time to go offsite to eat lunch before your next interview. We are barely in the same department. We don't interact. We aren't friends. How long do you need to swallow a sandwich? You probably have time if it will take you less than 30min. I DON'T HAVE CHILDREN BECAUSE I WAS HOPING TO AVOID THESE SORTS OF CONVERSATIONS.